


Anguish in the Rain

by klainebabygirl



Category: Glee
Genre: Cancer, Depression, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Kurt has cancer, Living with Loss, M/M, fUCK ME, traumatic death from leukemia, trigger warnings for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 13:29:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12255333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klainebabygirl/pseuds/klainebabygirl
Summary: Kurt is diagnosed with cancer. This one shot focuses on Blaine and how he handles it.





	Anguish in the Rain

The minute it had started raining, Blaine had grabbed Kurt's hand and tugged him out to the front porch.  
"Dance with me," Blaine begged from under the downpour. "Please. Let's pretend it's all okay. Let's pretend that cancer doesn't exist. Let's pretend-" Blaine stopped talking and instead walked quickly back over to Kurt's unmoving figure. "Let's pretend that we have all the time in forever."  
Blaine gently took Kurt's thin, pale hand in his own, ignoring the bruises up and down Kurt's arms. He bruised so easily now; it hurt to watch. But he had promised to never leave Kurt alone. Never to let go of him.  
And so he pulled Kurt out into the rain. They were soaked in seconds, but Blaine was thankful, because this way, Kurt couldn't see his tears.  
Instead of dancing again, Blaine simply stood close to Kurt, pressing their foreheads together as the water washed over them. They couldn't stay out for long; Kurt wouldn't be able to fight off even a small head cold, but five minutes was long enough. Blaine saw the tiny smile Kurt managed before their lips pressed together. All that mattered anymore was making Kurt smile as much as possible. Blaine needed Kurt to smile more than he needed oxygen, because soon... soon he'd never be able to see that smile outside of a photograph again. 

It had happened suddenly. The cancer had come out of nowhere, but it was everywhere in Kurt. They'd assumed he had gotten the flu or something and that's why he'd been so tired and achy. But when the "flu" didn't go away after a week, and the nosebleeds started, they'd immediately gone to the doctor. There, they heard the one thing you never wanted to hear a doctor say. 

"I'm sorry."

You know there's no where to go after that. The end of the road is in sight.  
You are almost out of time. 

Some people, when told their lives are ending, they go and see as much of the world as they can.

Others take risks.

Others kill themselves to hasten the process. 

But Kurt hadn't done any of those things. Instead, he'd simply gone home with Blaine, where he waited. 

He grew thinner, smaller, and his skin would bruise heartbreakingly purple and blue at the slightest bump.  
When it's in your blood? You've already lost the battle. There's hardly anything you can do. And Kurt was too far gone to even want to try. 

He had constant visitors, of course. No one wanted their visit with Kurt to be their last, so they kept coming back. He was loved by so many people. His parents, his friends. Blaine.  
As much as everyone wanted to spend time with Kurt, Blaine sometimes wanted them all to just go. To leave them alone. He wanted to squeeze as many private moments as he could out of the remnants of their time together. He felt horribly, disgustingly selfish whenever he thought like that, but he couldn't lie to himself.  
Every night, after he was sure Kurt had fallen into as peaceful a sleep as possible, Blaine would curl up as close to him as he dared, and cry. He'd cry for the future they weren't going to have, for the children they would never parent together, and finally, for himself. Blaine cried for the person he was going to become the day Kurt gave up.  
He almost let himself hate Kurt for bringing him so much light and then taking it away, but then he'd remember that it wasn't Kurt's fault.  
Who would choose to die?  
Then Blaine would cry for Kurt. For all the dreams that would never come true, all the songs he was being forced to leave unsung, the clothes being left unworn, and the memories being left unmade.  
And again, Blaine would cry for himself, because he was so completely intertwined with Kurt that those things all applied to his life too.  
Blaine couldn't handle the rest of his years without those flashing and exciting blue eyes, that exquisite, happy voice, the beautiful body, smart mouth and snappy comebacks. All of that was going away, and all of Blaine was going with it. 

The move from home to hospital bed was sudden. The rain marked the last day Kurt stood on his own two feet.  
He feel the next morning and never stood up again.  
Blaine tried to make the hospital room feel like home but there's only so much you can do.  
The smell of sterile sheets and cleaning solutions can't be masked.  
Blaine spent the days reading aloud and talking to Kurt. And the doctors. 

His almost-one-sided conversations took on a more desperate tone when he was told there was maybe a week left, give or take. Not only was Kurt fading fast, but a huge part of Blaine was disappearing quickly too.

-Five Days-

All Blaine could think about was the end. Then end of them. The end of their lives.  
The more visitors that filed in, the more panicked Blaine became. He didn't want to share Kurt's dying words with Rachel Berry.

-Four Days-

Blaine hardly slept. He would not miss their last moments by sleeping. 

-Three Days-

He stopped eating unless someone brought him food. Blaine never let go of Kurt's hand. 

-Two Days-

Kurt would wake for brief, sporadic moments. The only word he spoke was Blaine's name.  
Blaine could hardly take a deep breath now.  
The tears fell too fast.

Kurt asked to see his father.  
He told Burt he would say hello to Elizabeth before falling asleep again, with Blaine's hands still cradling his.

-The Last Twenty-four Hours-

Blaine traced the skin on Kurt's cheek bones with a feather-light touch.  
It felt like paper.  
He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Kurt blush.  
The hospital was quiet.

-The Last Hour-

Burt, Carole, and Finn stayed for less than fifteen minutes. Kurt told them to go, himself.  
He said goodbye as they closed the door with an odd sense of finality.

Then, for the first time in a week, Kurt looked at his lover with a small fraction of the familiar focus and love in his eyes Blaine had grown accustomed to over the years.

"Blaine." Kurt said.  
His stripped voice grated on Blaine's soul, and he could hardly choke out a whispered, "Yes?"  
Kurt offered a final, small smile.  
"Always know that you were the most important, precious part of my whole life. Please. . . be okay. Don't forget me, but please don't stop living. I love you because you're the light in my world. You gave me hope. I don't want to take your hope with me. So take back what you gave me and keep hoping, keep dreaming. Dream for both of us, Blaine. I love you."  
Kurt blinked slowly, tiredly, and his grip on Blaine's hand tightened.  
"I. . . I love you too," Blaine whispered. 

Kurt nodded. "I know, baby."  
Then he exhaled his last breath, his eyelashes fluttered delicately for the last time, and Blaine sobbed himself to sleep to the miserable lullaby of the heart monitor's flatline.

~

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why the fuck I wrote this.


End file.
